I came to realisation that we are not just one voice, but a system of parts. Some parts are protective, critical while others are curious and courageous. If we are not aware of them, the parts just fight. We feel like we are in a constant inner battle, we don't trust ourselves, we keep spiralling, we feel stuck and we self-sabotage. It is as if our body fights against our body. Body doesn't feel like a safe space. We want to constantly numb ourselves because we are too tired of the inner voices: we just want to shut down them for even a few minutes.

However, with awareness of where those voices are coming, we know when the protective us is giving cautions to stay safe, trying its best to stop us from whatever that is - even if it has 0.0000001% risk, by shaming us and doubting us. The curious side of ours, thus, also tries to fight back because it wants to do things - it is curious! Usual fight might look like this: (ps/everyone's version is unique)

Curious You: Oh, there is a new person in class. I wonder where they are from. Should I go say hi?

Protective You: Are you crazy? They'll think you are crazy. What if they ignore you? What if people laugh at you? What if you can't find words to say?

Curious You: It is okay, I just want to say hi - that is it. Come on, we have to get out of comfort zone!

Protective You: Maybe next time? Look, there is so many people!

If you look at the arguments your protective side gives, they are usually based on previous experiences that your body recognised as traumatic. People might've laughed at you at school for whatever reason it might be. You might have lost your words in a convo with a new person and then thought afterwards "how idiot of me!" The base of protective side usually comes from such hurting experiences that happened in early years. So, we could say that they are 5, 10, 15, (whatever age) years old.

Interesting thing is, we could be 100 years old but if we never noticed the protective side that is, say, 8 years old, we will live with 8 year-old scary-child our whole life. It is gonna be a hell for sure.

However, if we realise that every part that consists in our psyche has a reason to exist or had a reason to exist at some point and if we can acknowledge with compassion(not with shame) and let our adult self lead with balance, life would be much easier and happier.

Practical advise for that could be:

• Divide the paper into columns. Name them "Protective Me" and "Curious Me" (you give them the names). And write down every thought you have into the column it fits the most.
• Whenever you feel the battle, try to listen the critical side of you and don't let its voice dictate over yours. Because remember, the protector who appeared at the age of 10 is not needed now. We are much more experienced, more smart, more calm in our current voice. It doesn't come right away, only with practice and help - sometimes professional consistent help.

I'm too still working on them and just was able to connect all the dots after a 15-minute-convo I had with a friend. But the moment I realised that the "protective me" voice wasn't my voice, I was able to let the adult me lead the way with appreciation for my protective side and showing compassion, and, thus, achieve clarity.

Learn more at https://tasshin.com/blog/exploring-internal-family-systems/